Day 2 . . . This sucks.

Stopped by Walgreens on my way to school to pick up some nicotine patches. Slapped one on when I got to work and went to teach my 8am class. After attendance, I'm previewing what we're going to cover and glance out the window - to see someone sucking on a sweet-sweet cancer stick. And at that moment, I WANTED ONE. At the end of class, I wanted one. Walking across campus for my 11am class, I inhaled deeply each time I passed a smoker. Walking back across campus for my 12:30 class I fantasized snatching a cigarette from an unsuspecting smoker and tearing off down the ally to smoke it. In the middle of the afternoon I imagined ripping off my nicotine patch on my way home, stopping at the Kwik Trip, buying a pack, and smoking the whole thing in about an hour. On the way home at 4:30 I drove a new route home - one that doesn't go by my beautiful, lovely Kwik Trip. I've thought about smoking approximately 137 times since I got home 3 1/2 hours ago.

But no, I haven't smoked.

This is the point I usually say, screw it - I'm going to smoke - I deserve to do what I want - I've earned this - No one will ever know - I'll start again tomorrow - It's not that big of a deal - etc - etc - etc. Even as I type this, the desire to go to Kwik Trip and buy a pack of Virginia Slim Menthol Ultra Lights is OVERWHELMING. It's fucked up how the brain works trying to get off nicotine. I've read that nicotine withdrawl actually makes your brain 'panic', which can intefere with rational thinking. Makes sense. My guess is that most bank robberies and murders are committed by people withdrawling from nicotine.

In other areas, I did get in bed at 10:15 last night. Yipee. (Is my nicotine-craving-bitterness showing? Really? Who the fuck asked you?)

Today, I didn't drink any soda. I have a little more of a headache today that I think is from the bubble-withdrawl.

I made this YUMMY strawberry smoothie that upped my protein and helped me stay within my WW points. Actually - this picture is the very last slurp. It was delicious!

I did some kitchen organizing tonight. I use one of my counters as a sort of "catch-all" for mail, to-do lists, etc. It is now cleaned off! I also picked up some clutter around the house. Tomorrow I'm going to start putting away summer clothes and pulling out winter stuff - that will be a BIG project!

I think I need some kind of "reward" for myself at the end of the month - if I survive! I'm going to NYC the day after this little experiment is done, so it may be something to do with that trip. Suggestions?