. . . about how I self sabatoge. I have a desire to change in order to become a happier, more content person. But then I fall into the common American way of thinking - I deserve to be happy! So screw changing myself for the better! I'm not happy if I can't do Everything. I. Want.
And then I'm even more unhappy with myself. It's a vicious cycle. Perhaps, I'm a weak, pathetic, lazy, hopeless human being? No, I don't think so. Scared human being? Yep, that's it. Terrified of living without things I find "comforting".
What am I thinking about giving up for 30 days? Smoking, drinking soda, eating unhealthy, not getting enough sleep, and living unorganized. Those are the big 5. Are there other things I need to "fix" with me? Sure, but those are the things I beat myself up about the most.
I'm not going to wonder if I can change all those things for 30 days, because I just have to decide I'm going to. I am going to wonder what will happen when I do. Will the panic of such drastic change have a significant psychological impact? Will my irritation, anger, unhappiness at living life in a different way evolve itself into a sense of pride, accomplishment, and ultimately more happiness?
I know I need a plan . . . so I'm going to do some planning now . . .
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